Between the age of 0-19, I didn’t know anything about anxiety. I’d never experienced a panic attack before, and I never considered myself an anxious person. On the surface, I was outgoing and confident.
But the reality was different, I just wasn’t aware. In hindsight, I was experiencing anxiety under the surface throughout my teenage years. I was a huge overthinker and analysed everything that happened to me. This was exacerbated by the pressure I put on myself to be successful at school, as well as falling out with close mates in high school. Over time, I felt myself falling into lower moods and I was feeling increasingly lost in myself.
When I got to university, I was excited. ‘Finally, I have the freedom I desire’, I thought. Like most first-year students I was drinking multiple nights a week, smoking weed, eating poorly and generally not prioritising my health. As time went on, I started to feel more and more discontent and lost within myself.
At the end of the first semester, I had a full-blown breakdown triggered by a traumatic event that left me feeling unsafe. Immediately after this, I started experiencing daily panic attacks that seemed to come out of nowhere. As a result, I was scared to leave my apartment, go shopping, go to lectures, socialise, and go on public transport. My world shrank to the size of my appartmen and I felt like a shell of myself,
This was a struggle that lasted 2 and a half years. During this time, my anxiety developed into different forms: health anxiety, intrusive thoughts, OCD, agoraphobia, social anxiety and my confidence was at rock bottom. I visited A&E 3 times in one month and I was convinced that I would be living with anxiety forever.
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The turning point for me was the last time I visited A&E. I sat myself in a toilet near the waiting rooms. In my mind I had hit rock bottom. I didn’t want to live, but I didn’t want to die. I was in serious psychological turmoil.
I was having a anxiety attack and out of nowhere, I had an epiphany that I had the power to turn things around. I didn't need to feel like this forever. This was an incredible shift in my thinking because I had spent years feeling like a victim of my circumstances. I knew something in me had changed because this was a completely new thought and an incredibly powerful emotion.
'I can do this' I thought. 'I can overcome these mental challenges and live a better life'.
‘Anxiety always has a cause’.
These were the words of my therapist in our first session. I couldn’t believe it. Are you telling me the anxiety, worry, frustration and general negative feeling has a cause? And I can change how I feel by changing how I think.
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Before this revelation, I had never considered that the events that had happened to me in my life would have caused me to start panicking. But it made sense. The more I dug with my therapist, the more I realised how self-critical I was of myself and how much I had suppressed past events that I didn’t want to acknowledge.
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This was a game changer for me because I realised that if there was a cause, there was also a solution. And by finding the root cause of my anxiety, I could begin to let go and heal.
I knew that to overcome anxiety, I needed to change my thinking. So I started diving deep into the world of self-help. The more books I read, the more I was clear on what I needed to do to break free from anxiety:
I needed to expose myself to the things I didn’t want to do. And that’s what I did. At first, I was exposing myself to ordinary things that felt overwhelming. Leaving my apartment, going to the pub with friends, going to lectures again, and going on public transport.
The more I exposed myself to the basics, the more confidence I felt to leave my comfort zone. I started climbing the tallest mountains in the UK, despite dealing with agoraphobia and panic disorder. I signed up to fight in a boxing match, despite experiencing anxiety attacks in the car on the way to the gym.
But facing all my fears and pushing all my boundaries was making me less anxious. It made me trust my body more. It made me realise that I didn’t have to listen to anxiety, and that I had the power to take control of my life.
Towards the end of university, I started sharing anxiety tips online on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. At the time, I didn’t see myself as a coach, I simply felt compelled to share what worked for me in my recovery journey. What I found amazing was the things I was sharing were having a real-life impact on other people. Strangers would reach out to me for advice or with questions on how to approach their own anxiety struggles. I started to find real purpose and a sense of meaning from helping people over the phone and over DM’s, I never felt such a strong passion in my life.
My first job after university was at a men’s mental health company called Mantality. I was Mantality’s Relationship manager who was responsible for checking in with the members and curating the programmes which members would be undertaking. The purpose of the membership was to help men become the best versions of themselves. I loved it.
It was around this time that I met my first coach (who worked at Mantality). When I learned more about coaching and what it was. I couldn’t believe it. It was like the role was designed for me. This was when I decided to take the step to do my qualifications and start working with clients 1:1.
Since becoming a full-time Coach, my life has transformed. I am proud to say I have helped tens of people overcome anxiety for good. I have created a life where I decide where and when I work. My thinking has transformed from self-critical to self-compassionate. And I feel extremely grateful that I experienced anxiety because it led me to a life that I love.
